a way out.

i wear a hulking, sodden sadness like
a wet fur coat, a generation of drenched, dead
ferrets draped heavily around my frame.
i walk with it through a foggy field while snow
sends strings of my hair snapping, whipping
wildly in the howling wind, wrapping
blankets of ice around evergreens,
paling paper birch to ghosts.
the fur of my jacket is matted, it stinks
in clumps of wet frozen clots,
pressing cold clammy dampness
against my prickling skin.
but i cannot remove it in the blistering
wind, bellowing the yell of an infant,
incessantly prodding, like pins and needles,
the dappling of the rose dotted across my cheeks.

i trudge on in hesitance that finds reasons
to be so uncertain under each step through
snow rising like yeast in a heated oven,
like devils in a swelling hell,
threatening to pull me downwards
to the frozen ground to
twist in persisting self-pity, coated in snow,
quieting me to sleep under a blanket of hail
in shivering currents of giving up.
were it not too cold to cry i’d sigh
a soft lazy lullaby to relieve the tears
in the creases of my eyes but if
i were to let them fall they’d separate
in small twisting streams
frosty down my flushed cheeks,
dampening my sopping spirits further
in the wet of my winter shell.

dusty morning light drifts dully
through the pines of spiny trees,
shining lazily like a flashlight
through the thick blanched static air.
it displays an illusion of hope like
it could melt the icy landscape
with it’s barely perforating rays
of listless illumination, worn-out
after decades of pouring melting light
onto blindingly white banks of ice
to wash out the aftermath of
a temperamental winter. tired,
it barely tries in useless luminosity
to outshine, overblow the snowstorm
with a dim indolent glow, but it knows
the snow, it keeps blowing, the winds
keep flowing, coating me in hoarfrost.

but in these breezes of evil, of demons
creeping within me like crackling ice
gathering my skin into goosebumps
that grow under the frosty sopping
of unpassing sadness; in this
trudge through gut-puckering gusts,
through knee deep sheets
of thick shimmering misery,
barely there daylight calls me with
the shadows born from it’s diffractions,
whispering in raspy beckonings:
night it has not tumbled out like
black enveloping blankets, moon
it has not bounced down puncturing
midnight like a hole-punch.
day looms on in lit leadership
and all i can follow is the light.

my father

when i was 4 years old,my father has lost both of his two hands,13 years later ,he has left me forever,i don't known how to do with it,i have never say "i love you "to my father,but i really love you,miss you very much,i always stares at you photoes and burst into tears,no one could known me,my roommates always felt that i was stange,every summer vacation or winter vacation,i always want find a job in the city where i studied in,they could not understand why i am not homesick,to be honest,i do want to go home,i miss my familly,expetially my father, for me ,my best wish was my familly could gather together ,i wish my father could relive,i want to see you,dad miss you very much,without you,i could not manage myself very well,under your protection ,i felt very safe,but now i have to fave everything by myself,wheather its good or bad,i felt tired,i want someone to protect me ,i want t6 have a rest,i do felt very tired,everything has changed after you left us. father miss you very much.i want to tell the world that father i love you,

A New Start...

A new hope,
a new sunrise,
a new quest for change.
On new day,
And in new place,
A true feeling, so strange.
I Know, We are looking for a new start,
We are looking deep within our heart.
And, we wish every time we see a falling star,
We wish for a world, we haven't seen so far.
Yesterday,
We know we hadn't known,
And tomorrow,
Will be eventually shown.
But today,
And this moment is what we own.
What we must work on,
The ideas, which have come and gone.
In the end,
All we are left to say,
All we are left to pray,
Is for a tomorrow,
Illuminating itself,
Illuminating everything,
Showing us a brighter Day...

no one can understand me

I am sorry ah! Cry, tears about to spill when they will obediently slipped the depths of the soul. Will not let me even more sad. Tears of my very obedient. I say, thanks to baby. I became a coward. This is my recently discovered a problem in one of their own. I do not have that confidence. I need your affirmation. I want to say that I want to go, but can not say a word. Confused me feel better. All in my world are puzzled. I became like a madman. Ha ha. Me with my crazy instead of my sorrow. As I replace my blood, like tears. I do not know whether this fit themselves in the end. I do not know themselves what is in the end, others I do not care, because they can not get that feeling, and no one can understand, not to understand me. Around them are empty, heart is empty. Only the dead of night. My heart has felt.
　　Lively atmosphere does not fit me, like previous groups in downtown, but now for this feeling, I just want for you to a quiet area. Only you a place of my own. I miss the simple happy life. I miss that and I feel happy too. Looked at me in a familiar group of friends, with the way things seem to never had. I isolated them. I do not want to go and they talk about many. I even go to the kind of deliberately installed cooked a bit disgusting feeling. 23 are left to stay I can chat about the many. How are the me. Let me change suddenly lost their own. No control. There is no reason. Only crazy. Quietly. Laughing at the people who玩闹. Ridicule of their own lack of direction. I changed, put themselves up quietly closed, leaving only a balcony. I know the tears. Will not let me cry, do not let me touch.

i'll tell you later...

bare paper eyed me, naked
and shaking, still

much less uneasy than i,

bringing to me with it’s blank stare
a suffocating desire to drown it, too,
in my despair, stain it with my soot-black
alphabet soup till it was dripping in misery,

bringing to me the faint question,

what have i
but words

to fill this page
these pages?

and so many times i have asked it
but only now,
in the doorframe
of an unwritten library
under black bird over
head
i ask,

what to lend
when those words
want to come to life,

and
are but one, or two, maybe three, rarely four –
whatever amount i manage
before something in my throat
splinters and snaps like a block
of wood my father would strike
to feed to billowing bonfires.

for
all i have,

is but a
quiet

that halts my talking,
demands me not to speak
when i am stuck and stuttering
and where Silence drags it’s feet
shoelaces clicking in leftright rhythm
students speaking dictionaries turn in circles
like they
are strangers,
two separate species
quite unable to relate.

and Silence he pleads (silently)
well I can barely speak

why will nobody else come up
and instead please speak to me?

(Silence he is sad and lonely)

but i, quietly
empathetic

and overly observant

decipher the isolation on his face
and from my shady doorframe step out
and stretch my arm, i utter

“Silence i am alice i am incredibly glad to meet—“

and Silence stops me enthusiastically saying
we’re the same you and i, barely able to speak!
hardly able to mutter a pathetic,
silenced squeak!
(laughing hysterically)

“Silence why so cruel this is only empathy…”

no sympathy for the Weak alidear
hell, even evolution kills them off eventually...

and i took two steps back
under that doorway in a dark haze

in a soft daze realizing my quiet could not help Silence
though only silent me could really understand Quiet he.

but i guessed
our wordlessness would only sit
in stale stillness, hushed, and Silence
only wanted help from noisy Speakers
who would never hear him.

so i left silence brooding by himself
and stepped into a ring of linguists
with a smile.

and i stood there till one turned to me
and screamed
“would you like to stay awhile
and discuss with us phonetics? ”

and for a moment i stuttered, but stopped myself
and merely smirked and nodded.